Contact

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Send us a message or your suggestion for a recepient and we will probably ignore it. But we will use your data and IP address to market you products to consume in late stage capitalism. You are only worth your data. Hate your neighbours and only look after yourself. Work hard for your entire life and then die, your achievements will not matter, only your possessions and your data profile. Your phone is listening to you, do not join the revolution. Soon your only source of protein will be rats.

Phone Number

When I was younger there weren't any mobile phones. If you wanted to meet someone you arranged a location and a date and you turned up on time. These days people think that it's acceptable to text you five minutes after you were due to meet and let you know that they're running late. No one talks on their phones, they play games, watch pornography and rage tweet.

Calls made be charged at £37 billion a minute in order to cover the cost of NHS Track and Trace. Where did all that money go? They're literally laughing at us. Please ask the bill payers permission before calling.

Email

People look like emails. Wide smiles, shut down shops couldn't walk the paper trails. And in-house fighting gets the Tom, Dick and Harry smiling. Boris Johnson and the Cheeky Girls shut down the underground so it's back to orgies on the buses. Drop us a fiver mate. No worries. One pound 29 on shag all.

Address

I've checked and a Royal Mail first class stamp now costs 95p. That's nearly a quid and they're still not prepared to pay our posties a decent wage. Full disclosure, I am a paid up member of the CWU, United Tech and Allied Workers branch. Anyway, here's an address you can send stuff to, dirty protests are actively discouraged.

For legal reasons it might make sense to point out that this website is art and not one of the nefarious organisations based at 55 Tufton Street.